Contest Time

Supposedly, this is English. If you can translate the following poem that my friend Phil received for his birthday from a lady in Scotland, I'll give you a prize that involves chocolate. Leave your guesses in the comments.

There wiz a flaich upon ma ganzee, on ma ganzee on ma knee,
an fin i lookit doon- it wiz lookin up it me !
Fit wy on earth, i ask ye, wiz yer ganzee on yer knee?
Cos i wiz shooin a hole in the oxter, for it ti keep me warrum ye see.

I said ti the flech on ma ganzee, on ma ganzee on ma knee,
fit ye deein settin ere lookin up it me ?

The flech loupit up an said ti me-
well its jist like ess ye see-
The cat kickt ma on t fleer, an noo am hameless ye see !

Weel, in the neest 5 meenits- I cuidna believe fit i sa-
The flaich's hale family were jeinin him inna !

They lowpit aff i bass ti ma ganzee on ma knee-
an i flaich wiz affa happy
wi his family on ma ganzee-
on ma ganzee on ma knee !!!

UPDATE: Right after I posted the contest, Matt sent me his translation. Do I still owe him the chocolate? Yeah...leave your thoughts on that in the comments instead.
Here is the translation:

"There was a flea on my sweater, on my sweater on my knee,
and when I looked down- it was looking up at me!
why on earth, I ask you, was your sweater on your knee?
because I was sewing a hole in the armpit, for it to keep me warm you see.

I said to the flea on my sweater, on my sweater on my knee,
what are you doing sitting here looking up at me?

The flea looked up and said to me-
well its just like this you see-
The cat kicked me on the floor, and now I'm homeless you see!

Well, in the next 5 minutes- I couldn't believe what I saw-
The flea's whole family were joining him as well!

They snuck off I guess to my sweater on my knee-
and my flea was awfully happy
with his family on my sweater-
on my sweater on my knee!!!"

Nice job Matt!!!!