Wednesday, December 28, 2011

On being supportive - updated

When I was 21, I fell in love with a boy.  I fell hard.  So hard that I dropped out of school in Logan, Utah, and moved into my parent's basement so that I could be close to him while he was in school in Provo.  He told me he wanted to marry me.  I had a ring picked out.

We broke up about 4 months into our relationship.  I lost at least 10 pounds due to the depression; I had to pull over when driving because of the crying.  It has been almost 10 years since we dated, but I still have a heavy heart when I think about the pain during our breakup.  I had some amazing friends who really loved me during that time and I am still so grateful for the support they showed me.

The truly unfortunate part about this entire relationship was that I was(am) really close friends with his sister.  I was a bridesmaid in her wedding.  I love(d) her entire family and was fairly close with them.  At the time, his sister told me that she thought her brother was an idiot and that she still wanted me in her life.  I told her that I still wanted her in mine but that she should never bring up her brother in conversation unless I asked.  We have had this agreement for years and it works like a charm.  And yes, sometimes I ask.

For Christmas, she and her husband and children were in Utah staying with my family.  One night I took her to Rachael's house so that I could drop off my Christmas gift and say hello.  One thing lead to another in our conversation and Rachael said something to the effect of: "yeah, it's too bad about your brother not marrying Steph".  My friend's response was "Well, I knew that it was never going to work out."

Ouch.  I cried later.

Now let me say something to preface what else I am going to say, but I know that her comment was never intended to hurt my feelings.  She is a very loving person and I love her very much.  

And on to my rant.

First off, I have determined in the past few days that for a girl, being broken up with by someone that you are in love with is the equivalent of a married woman having a miscarriage.  Those are harsh words, but I mean it.  There are real emotions and growing love for this thing - this relationship - and then for whatever reason, it is gone.  Nothing can be done to salvage it and it just hurts and is horrible.  And if this is the case, I have experienced 4 major breakups in the past 10 years with several minor ones along the way.  It hurts.  It hurts a lot.  And people say really stupid things about something that hurts so much.

Secondly, you may be around a couple quite a bit during the course of their relationship, but unless you are actually one of the two parties in the relationship, you don't know everything that goes on behind closed doors.  You just don't, so please don't act like you do.

Lately this has been a major topic of conversation for me.  As friends, we need to be supportive of each other.  Being critical of someone's choices or life is never helpful.  I can't really think of any exceptions to this rule.  If you are my friend, just be supportive.  We are all insecure - me especially - and I am also a smart girl who just needs support and love.  Comments such as "He is leading you on" or "Don't assume that you are in a relationship unless he is kissing you" or "you will find someone better" are not helpful.  

I recently read Mindy Kaling's book and one of the chapters is rules of being her best friend.  This got me thinking about rules for being my friend, which are:

1. We are honest with each other.  I do not tolerate lying on any level.  If you need to say something rude, please preface it with "Bless your heart."  I grew up in the South.  I can take it.
2. You must make me laugh.  If I cannot do my part to make you laugh, I can always direct you to some good youtube videos.  Outsourcing is one of my strengths.
3. We support each other, even if you think I am crazy.  For example, when I fly across an ocean to see a boy that I've met once, you tell me how awesome this is and call me as soon as I get home to see how it went.  When we break up, we lay on the couch and eat candy for at least a month.  When you decide to participate in an Ironman, I will be at the finish line with a poster.
4. You must have a passport so that we can flee the country together if necessary.
5. I have high expectations of you.  I will love you if you let me down and I will do my best to keep my expectations in check.
6. If I come visit you, I will be using your face wash, shampoo, blowdryer, and toothpaste.  Plan on it.
For best friends:
7. We do not date each other's ex's.
8. If you hate someone, I hate them too.  If you love someone, I love them.
9. If you have a crush on someone, I will beat up any girl that gives them any tiny bit of attention and you will do the same for me.
10. If we are sleeping in the same house, you'd better believe that we are sleeping in the same bed.

I got back to New York last night and I am happy to be back in a world where 19 year old girls are not engaged and people don't think that there is something wrong with me because I am not married.  For the record, I am very happy.  I have been so blessed by good friends and family and by this amazing life that I have.  I am under no illusion (or delusion) that marriage makes one happy and although I would love to be married, am happy serving and doing what I can with what I've been given.  I know from experience that idiots get married every day.  Fat people, skinny people, dumb people, smart people - they all get married.  

I mean - either I get married in the next 10 years or I'm moving to Martha's Vineyard to work in an ice cream shop.  And that doesn't sound so bad, does it.

Merry Christmas!

A day late and a dollar short as usual.  Many of you received this in the mail already, but for those of you who didn't, here is my 2011 Christmas card.  

And before you start feeling sorry for me, here is what the back said:

I mean it.  Thanks for being so awesome.  Also, I can't wait to see what 2012 holds in store.

PS - if you didn't get a card, please email me your address and I will add you to my distribution list.

Thursday, December 22, 2011


Better late than never, right?  

I remember the good old days when there were leaves on the tree below my window.  This photo was taken the day after I moved in - which was also the weekend of Hurricane Irene.  Yep, this is what New York looked like an hour after the eye of the tiger hurricane hit us.

In August I moved into a new apartment.  I have been there for almost 4 months now and life is grand on 74th street.  I walk up to the 5th floor several times a day and am greeted by this huge bedroom.  Well, at least compared to my last room, this is ginormous.  I love it.

This is what I have over the dresser now:


The living room - 

And over the sofa now - 

My very own bathroom!  Well, kind of.  
When your bathroom is off the living room, you kind of share it with everyone.  

 The medicine cabinet mirrors and lights are the best thing that ever happened to my makeup routine.

We also have a patio upstairs off of Caroline's room.  For a tour of that, you will have to come visit and/or wait until summer when we are spending time outside again.  This post was horribly exciting, but this mostly for my mother and those of you who still need to come visit.  

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Tis the season to be jolly

This year I have been the instigator of many a Christmas party.  Here is a very brief summary of all of them.

1. Holisizzle - this party was in New York with many of my close friends here in Manhattan.  We had dinner at Brody's house then came to Caroline and I's house for after-dinner activities; aka - visit from Santa, karaoke, and dancing.  Brody was my hot date and Santa read poems about each one of us and we all got gifts associated with the poem.  What a fun time.  I laughed so hard I had a headache.  

I have such wonderful friends here in New York and this is just a handful of them.  Oh I love you all. 

2. San Franidazzle - this party was in San Francisco and it was so great to be with so many dear, dear friends.  I told someone that day that it was good to be with so many people who just know my heart.  In a million ways it was like I'd never been gone.  The food - as always was amazing - and the company was just the best.  Having Adam as my date was great and Homie Santa was a highlight of the evening.

Love. Just love.  For everyone in this photo.  

3. The most recent Christmas party (not the last!) was last night with Ryan.  We had a Christmas party for 2 and it was great.  We had great food, gifts, laughs, and danced.  He is just the best. 

More Christmas updates coming soon - this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

I'll have a Blue Christmas without you!

I have been working a whole lot this week and so doing anything other than sleeping has been low on the totem pole.

All I really have to say currently is that I am going to San Francisco in less than 12 hours and I cannot wait.  I will be with these girls - amongst others - and just thinking about it makes my cold dead heart swell up like a balloon.

Also, Uzi.  And Andrea.  And Kirsten.

I found this one in the vault.  w.o.w.....

And last and not least, Marshall's wedding!

Remind me - things to catch you up on:
1. My new apartment.  Is it new if I've lived there for 4 months by the time I tell you about it?
2. My birthday
3. Holisizzle & other festivities

At this point, I can't make any promises, people.  Flossing is already apparently too much to ask.  
And off I go to ice skate.  I am SO Christmas-y.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Autumn in New York

I know that it has been entirely too long since I have been posting regularly, so here is an update on how my Autum in New York is going.  

At the end of October, Scott came for an entire week.  How lucky am I!?  

We have a thing for pumpkin flavored items and were delighted to see that the frozen yogurt place by my house had "Fist Pumpkin" flavored fro-yo.  Please note that Scott did not have any sugary substances in the taking of this photo.  

Scott attempting to hide in storefront Halloween decor in the village.
Our friend told us about a Halloween exhibit at the Highline so we met up to check it out one night before dinner.  I love this photo of us just being normal - except with wolf masks.

The text that Scott sent out to our friends with this photo was: "Happy Halloween from the Werewolf family"

On our way to dinner, we had a run-in with some astronauts.  Yes, that is a mini cooper attached to a rocket.  And an astronaut.

Scott and I went to Laudree on the Upper East Side to pick up some gifts.  This was on the day where it felt like the world was going to end - we had a freak snow storm at the end of October and it was horrible.  As my coworker says: "I lost the will to live" about halfway through the day.
At least the macarons were delicious!

For lunch Scott and I ventured out to find Melt Shop.  Find we did - it was a walk-up window at a subway station.  We persisted though and got the sandwiches anyway and luckily found a building nearby that had some tables setup in the lobby.  

The snow

Since I was not prepared for the amount of snow and the amount of time Scott and I would be spending outside that day, we ended up buying a much needed bubble umbrella.  Might be one of my favorite purchases yet this year.  Say goodbye to wet hair in the rain!  I love it.

This year for Halloween I dressed up as Princess Beatrice.  It took the girls a matter of seconds to know who I was dressed as - and the men - most of them are still trying to figure out why I had such a weird hat on.

Rustin was in town and was dressed like Katy Perry from this video.

Brody and I on the way to the Halloween party.  We are so fancy!

This is a horrible picture, but I just had to put it up since it is of me and Jen.  Most people didn't recognize her.  Awesome.

I was in a pumpkin bake-off with the girls from work.  With Caroline's help I made some very tasty pumpkin chocolate chip pumpkin bread.

At the beginning of November I had dinner with Karen who was in town from San Francisco - it was so wonderful to see her.
I went to DC for work and was taken on a nice tour of some of the monuments that I hadn't seen before.  This one is form World War II.  Each gold star represents 500 people who died in the war from the United States.  Wowza.
The Martin Luther King, Jr monument was just dedicated in October - pretty awesome.

The Capitol

I went to the Quidditch World Cup with some friends - please notice that the people in this photo are riding brooms.  I went into this thinking it would be a joke.  I was wrong.

Ashley demonstrating how to double fist at Shake Shack.

I cheered on Scott & Annie when they ran in the New York City Marathon a few weeks ago.  They ran the entire race in less than 4 hours - I believe their total time was 3.5 hours.  Crazy!  So fast!
Adam came to town and we were able to spend a fair amount of time together since he was here for a week.  Here we are at Momofuku having milk and cookies.  Yummmm

Walking back to work from lunch

Adam took me to Katz's Deli for Pastrami one day for lunch - they were incredibly messy and delicious.

Melissa came to town with her Mom for a few days and she bought her first size 0 jeans at 5 months pregnant.  What a cute pregnant lady!

I went to Daytona for work for a few days and went on a tour of the Daytona International Speedway while I was there.  Since I grew up with a NASCAR affiliation due to my dad's job, it was pretty surreal to me.  

Dale Earnhardt Jr. was testing a new functionality on his car while we were there, so we got to see him go by a few times - to just stay up on the track, the cars have to be going a minimum of 95 mph.  Crazy!  I was so proud of my little iPhone camera for capturing him while going by so fast.

Winners Circle!

The view from my hotel room - I am sad to say that I didn't even touch my feet in the sand the entire time I was there.  I just didn't really have time.

I got back in New York and the next evening, my coworkers and I had an event one night and we ended the evening with our very own dance party.  Good times.

Jersey Pout

My cousins came to town and we went all over the city - one of the coolest things we did was go to the 911 Memorial.  It was awesome.  If you are close by, go.  

Playing the piano at FAO Schwartz
On our way to see the Rockettes.
Madison was named after the Mermaid on Splash - which was named after Madison Ave.  :)

First subway ride.

At the temple!
Outside the Metropolitan Museum of Art

I went up to Albany for the day to pick up Madison after she spent a week upstate and was able to see my friend Becky, who I grew up with in North Carolina.  I hadn't seen her since college and it was great to catch up and meet her husband and darling kids.  Also, I got to hold baby Richard for like 3 hours that day - pure bliss.  I really need to get me a baby!!!
In case you can't tell by the photos in this post, I still want to kiss New York every single day.  What a great place.  What a great life.