Split Screen Sadness

You know in the movie "500 Days of Summer" when Tom is going to Summer's party and you see the split screen of reality vs. expectations?  I have felt recently in my life that a split screen like that would be applicable in many aspects.  As you can probably tell from my last post, I have been extremely frustrated with dating recently.  With LDS guys, with non-LDS guys.  Yep, I have been on dates with both flavors lately.  And now you want details.  I can tell.

The hard thing for me in this aspect is that you, my readers (fans), aren't all LDS or not.  So let me paint a picture for you of what some aspects of a given date are like:

Greeting with an LDS date:
We see each other and there might or might not be a hug that is definitely not super affectionate.  Things that might be said at this time - "How are you?"

Greeting with a non LDS date:
We see each other and there is a hug and a kiss on the cheek followed immediately by a "You look great!"  Then possibly a "How are you?"

During dinner we both have good conversation.  There might be an awkward moment with the non-LDS guy when I don't order an alcoholic beverage.  I will also say that in my most recent experiences, the LDS guy paid for me and the non-LDS guy didn't.

We leave dinner to go to our after-dinner activities.

LDS guy either has a plan that for some unexpected reason doesn't work out or hasn't made a plan and is now fumbling, trying to figure something out.  I make a suggestion.  We do that.

Non-LDS guy asks me if I want to go get another beverage.  I agree and we end up at a bar where we watch "the game" on TV and talk more while he puts a very G-rated move on me.  I am now drinking sparkling water, just to be completely clear.  Still awkward for my date that I am not drinking something a bit harder.

Saying goodbye with LDS guy: In my head I am wondering if he is going to escort me to either a) my home or b) the closest subway station.  Neither happens.  We have a very awkward goodbye that feels very much like "See ya, buddy!"  I walk myself to the subway very confused.  And upset.

Saying goodbye to the non-LDS guy: He has already asked me out on a second date while he is holding my hand walking me to the subway station without being asked.  He gives me a nice kiss goodnight and I go into the subway station and go home, not wondering what just happened.

The funny thing about BOTH of these scenarios is that they both ended up in the same result.  A few days later, it was either "I don't think that we are a great match" or "I didn't feel our relationship moving to the next level."  I will let you guess which response went with which scenario.  What I'm saying is that the result was the same in the end, but the delivery was totally different.  I think that both of the guys are really nice and I had fun with both of them.

There is a singles conference this weekend here in New York and let me tell you in my most monotone voice how excited I am to go to it.  Get me to a nunnery, STAT.  I think that I am just in a funk but it is nothing that a bunch of hummus and games of hearts can't cure.  Good thing I have a plethora of those in my life thanks to Costco and a very social roommate.  Thanks, friends.